My first STD was from a foam party
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize