if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
These tits shall not be calmed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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