i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
