Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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