i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish my penis had a tongue
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
