there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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