Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
