I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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