you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
