I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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