The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
