Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
