Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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