In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
only you would photoshop your dick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
