My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
