i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
