Ambien. No doubt about it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
