she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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