Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize