I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
