I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
