Cold hands, warm shart.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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