matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I smell stomach acid.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
