just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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