just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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