I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
