tell your sister to shave her snatch
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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