I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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