So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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