I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have already put on my inside pants.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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