I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
