You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
