My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
