Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
