I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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