i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
