I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
