How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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