In the future we'll all be gay
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
