Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
