We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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