I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
