She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
