I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
