I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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