You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am one with the molecules
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
