Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
