How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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