i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
