Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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