The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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