i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
