East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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