The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
