How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Floor bacon is actually really good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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