you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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