people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
