I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you win again, gameday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
