So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
