It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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