i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
