Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
