when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
