The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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