chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
